Pets are an important part of everyday life. In many cases, a dog or a cat becomes more like a family member than a pet. They are often pampered and treated as if they were human. Pets can sense our moods, take us for walks, and listen patiently to our troubles and joys.
Research even confirms that pets can be good for our health. For example, pets have been found to lower the blood pressure of their owners simply by offering affection and good company. A number of studies suggest that those with beloved pets may handle stress better, may visit physicians less frequently, and may even recover more quickly from surgery. There’s no questions about it: Pets are a vital component of our lives, particularly for certain segments of the population.
Children
Many children get their first taste of responsibility caring for a pet. The animal, in many cases, becomes the child’s first “best friend,”
a trusting companion offering unconditional love. Children become extremely attached to pets, which makes the death of a pet more difficult.
Because we grow so fond of our pets, here are five suggestions for dealing with the loss of a beloved animal:
BE TRUTHFUL
When explaining to a child that a pet has died, do not try to avoid the subject by saying that the pet wandered off. Death is a part of life. Just as with the death of a beloved human, children need to learn how to deal with the loss of a special pet. Take this opportunity to explain the process of death and its mystery.
Many people describe euthanasia as “putting the pet to sleep.” This can confuse young children because they know that sleep is only temporary. If they begin to see sleep as permanent, they can develop fears of going to sleep themselves. You can ease these fears by not using sleep as an alternate term for death. Instead, you might say, “Dr. Parker gave Ranger a shot to help him die more quickly and with less suffering.” You might also explain that the intravenous drug used for euthanasia does not cause pain.
Be honest with children and let them learn about death. Be honest with yourself and let yourself experience your feelings of loss and grief. Say what you’re truly feeling and go ahead and let the tears flow. Your honest grieving will not only help you heal, it will be a lesson in authenticity for those who may be around you, both children and adults.
EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS
Help children to sort through the confusion of loss. Often young children feel guilty, thinking that their neglect or anger toward a pet caused the animal to die. Children need to understand that they are not responsible for the death of the pet.
In age-appropriate ways, encourage children to feel and express their grief. Often they will experience the death of a pet before encountering the death of a human being to whom they are close. If they learn to acknowledge their feelings and experience the healing sadness of walking through their grief, they will have an excellent foundation for coping with the many losses that will inevitable come as they grow older.
ACKNOWLEDGE THE POWER OF GRIEF
Grief is a natural, powerful and healing process. Don’t diminish grief by playing down the loss. Don’t make insensitive statements such as, “It was only a dog.” Most often is was
not only a dog. It was a vital part of someone’s life, and now it is gone. Loss of a pet can have severe repercussions, including depression, anxiety, loneliness, and physical illness. Denying loss blocks healing, understanding and growth of the individual.
DON’T PREMATURELY REPLACE A PET
For children, replacing the pet too quickly can result in confusion. In a way, rapid replacement of the pet sends the message that the animal is not dead, but only changed. Give a child the chance to adjust and to grieve. A good rule is to live for a while without a replacement, then wait until the child asks for another pet. If you do decide to acquire another pet, it’s usually best to give the pet a different name.
CELEBRATE YOUR PET’S LIFE
Instead of trying to put the death of your pet out of your mind, openly acknowledge it. Be thankful for the friendship you and your pet shared. Remember the good times. Have children help create a simple memorial service to share their fondest memories. A ritual of celebration can bring a measure of closure to a sad time.
People continue to bring animals into their lives, where they form new attachments and relationships with their pets. Remember that it’s okay to love a pet and there is no way the death of a loved pet can come without grief.
Source: Kentucky Cooperative Extension Service, Kentucky State University
